Mike Wants a Game Job

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

1. It is actually possible for the sequel to the sequel to a videogame movie to be pretty good. Who knew?
2. The T-Virus is the true cause of global warming.
3. The khukri is the weapon of choice is post-apocalyptic America. Khukris and guns.
4. Get used to the fact that everyone you know is going to die if Milla Jovovich shows up.
5. A murder of crows exploding is one of life's simpler joys.
6. Even after the end of the world, the corporations will still be trying to take it over.
7. Seriously, watch out for Milla Jovovich.
8. Las Vegas is fucked without humanity.
9. As always, trying to domesticate or educate zombies never ends well.
10. Yes, we get it screenwriters; you"re trying to make references to the games. Now stop saying "biohazard� every five seconds.
11. Despite the afore mentioned danger, Milla Jovovich is sex on a stick. And an entire warehouse full of nude, pre-waxed Millas feeling the trill of life for the first time is a vision of erotic loveliness I never knew I was missing until I first laid eyes upon it.

I'm going to go see the Resident Evil flick tonight, and while they have generally been pretty good in the past (or at least entertaining), one must never underestimate the power of videogame movies to be incredibly, amazingly, mind-numbingly bad.

The Super Mario Bros. movie is an exception to this rule for me, however, as I sit through each viewing with the rapt delight I originally experienced it with when I was ten.

Ain't nobody got nothing on Dennis Hopper Bowser.

Dear PSP Owners,

Why is it that every time I talk to one you people the only thing you have to get excited about is all the emulators you can run on the PSP? "Hey check this out, I can Super Mario RPG on my PSP! Isn't that cool? I"ve also got Super Mario 64 games!â€? Wow, that sure is nifty. You know what’s also nifty? The fact that I PLAYED THOSE GAMES 10 YEARS AGO AND CAN PLAY THEM ANYTIME I WANT ON MY COMPUTER FOR FREE! Come on people, am I the only who sees how lame that is! Thos of you who picked it up launch sank $300 into a system that still needs a complete overhaul and at least 20 good games to make it worth that price, and the ability to emulate old systems is just a poor consolation. And do not even try to bring UMD movies into this: we all that it’s always been a second tier format that produces crappy video quality and a generally poor viewing experience (“I like my movies the way I like my women: small and without fine detailâ€?). Here’s an idea: buy a DS for a much lower price and try some NEW games on an innovative platform. Now I know I’m biased towards the DS, but come on! It just seems like the obvious way to go! It’s smaller, cheaper and the games are just better overall  (try to avoid the ones that use the touch screen just for the hell of it, Metroid Prime: Hunters and Star Fox Command I’m looking at you). So PSP owners, please wise the hell up, before you give me a brain aneurysm. Thanks.

Love,

Mike

Saturday night I attended 16bit Genocide at the Patterson Theater in Baltimore, and it was truly one of my most incredible nights of my life. It was only a little over a year ago that I discovered that there were bands other than The Minibosses that blended videogame music with rawksome (rockin' + awesome = rawksome) metal riffs, and I even discovered that some of these bands were in my own backyard of Maryland. Since then I have been voraciously seeking out local shows that feature such bands, and this show proved to be the epitome of everything a gamer could want in an evening.

A videogame rock festival organized by some of the guys from Entertainment System and hosted by the Creative Arts Alliance, 16bit was simply epic. The sequel to last year's 8bit Genocide, it featured six of the best videogame bands out there, ten TV’s playing some of the greatest games of all time, and a diverse array of the some most talented people in the field of videogame art today. The whole event kicked off with Mr. Shawn Phase of Temp Sound Solutions playing his unique blend of instrumental rock and digitized beats, providing an excellent introduction to the type of musical acts that would be appearing throughout the night. Next up were This Place is Haunted and Anamanaguchi, with the former rocking the place with their metal versions of game music complete with original lyrics and the latter getting everyone up and dancing with peppy digital melodies mixed with guitars. Powerglove then deigned to grace the stage with their godly presence, adorned in the finest foam rubber arms and armor money can buy. These guys put The Minibosses to shame with their masterful covers; the joy brought on by their rendition of Storm Eagle alone is enough to make even the most stalwart gamer (i.e. me) melt into a puddle of quivering, jubilant goop. Entertainment System, the previously mentioned badass mofos behind the entire shindig, took the stage next and rocked with both old hits and new ones from their newly released album Super Entertainment System. If you like videogame metal you DO NOT want to miss this one, it is superb. Lastly The Protomen!, fresh from battling  the nefarious Dr. Wily, performed their metal opera based around the tragic saga of Mega Man and his older brother Protoman. All I can say about this band is….wow. Just wow. The narrative aspect of the music serves to draw the audience into the incredibly catchy music they play, and the end result is an audience that is completely synchronized with the band. Such an experience has a transcendent aspect to it that is incredibly rare to find today, so much so that everyone in the audience suddenly feels as if they are a part of something much larger than themselves.

The event was MC’d by Blue Commander, who gracefully accepted the abuse of the audience while hosting trivia contests between each of the sets. Outside of the performance space numerous pieces of artwork by 8bit Artist, Jude Buffum, and Levi Buffum were on display and for sale, and I am proud to say that I am now the owner of bead pixel Mega Man X. Inside, bands performed against a constantly shifting 8bit background provided by noteNdo and noCarrier, the intense visual stimuli being an excellent pair to the auditory titillation provided throughout the night. Honestly, I cannot think of single way in which I could have had a better time.

Alright, I know I have been doing nothing but gushing praise for the event and everyone involved, but only because I believe they truly deserve it. As a gamer, I love seeing events where other people like me can get together and celebrate the culture we love while being entertained by some of the best artists out there. Keep an eye out for next years 32bit Genocide, which promises to be even better than its predecessors.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go drool over all of the merch I bought.

Sweet fancy Moses but the last couple of weeks has been crazy for me! Between working 12 hour shifts, a general lack of sleep, and trying to not to go completely insane from cabin fever, I haven't had a lot of time to write. Thankfully life is getting back to normal and I"ll be moving to a normal 9-5 schedule at work, so I’ll definitely be able to create a more regular writing schedule for myself. Additionally, I’ll be attempting my first podcast this weekend, so check back on Monday for that.

Last time I talked about the positive impact and videogames have had on my life so, as promised, I would like to now address the negative effects videogames can have on people. Every other week it seems like there is a new TV host, politician, or other angry citizen laying the blame for all of society’s ills on videogames, but I will strive to be a little more rational than these wackjobs. According to them, a person would think that before the advent of videogames the world was a peaceful and happy place, bereft of any kind of violence or immorality. Because it’s not like there were ever things like world wars, unspeakable violence, or indecent behavior before videogames.

Oh wait, there was. Lots of it.

Videogames cannot and should not be blamed for all the problems of the world, but that does not mean they are free of danger. Many videogames feature moderate to extreme amounts of violence and/or place the player in a moral vacuum where murder and mayhem are required to progress in the game (GTA, I’m looking at you here, buddy). Children should not be allowed to play these games, just as they should not be exposed to any type of media without the proper context. For lack of a better term, children are insane, impressionable, little monkeys without any type of filter through which to judge the world. Would you let an insane, impressionable, little monkey without any type of filter through which to judge the world be shown an incredibly violent scenario and expect them to sort it out as a mature adult would? If so, please contact me so I can meet you and give you the smack upside the head you so richly deserve. If not, congratulation! You realize that what children hear and see can have an effect on them. Videogames can set a bad example for children, but it is up to the family to set an example and pay attention to what the child is doing and foster healthy development.

Another negative effect is the possibility of videogame addiction. This is an issue that has only recently come to light and an interesting discussion on the topic from NPR can be found here (I can’t say I agree with the "videogames are badâ€? tone many of the guests take, though). I myself have never been physically or mentally addicted to anything, but I do have an addictive personality. If I encounter something that I really resonates with me I find that I am unable to pry myself away until I am finished with it, be it a certain television show, a video game, a book, or a project that I am working on. It’s a habit that, combined with my inclination to procrastinate, has always proved a bit of a nuisance, but it is something I have never allowed to get in the way of my career, education, or personal life. Still, I can understand how it could be possible for some people to develop a dependency on videogames, just as it is apparently possible for genetically disposed person to develop an addiction to almost anything. Again, videogames have a potential downside, but nothing more than what one would encounter with anything else in the world.

Nothing in this world is completely good or completely bad, and as such the existence of videogames has both positive and negative consequences for the world. Yes, they can entertain people and, at least in the case of my childhood, present good role models for them to follow, but they can also showcase bad role models and poor behavior. As a gamer, whenever I hear someone belittle my cherished pastime my first inclination is to immediately shoot back without really thinking about the point they were making. It’s a fleeting sensation, thankfully, and while I do eventually make myself think about what the person was saying, there are many people on both sides of the fence that refuse to listen to any differing opinion at all. Such an attitude is probably the single greatest threat that any society can face, as evident by the many conflicts civilization has seen within the last century and prior, and it is far greater than any danger videogames could ever pose.

Can’t we all just get along?

Promise not to tell anyone, but I have a conscience. Shocking, I know, but alas I am the sad victim of a little voice in my head that tells me to do good. And wouldn't you know it, I think I picked the damn thing up from videogames.

It is rare to hear of videogames having a positive effective on a person"s life, but here I am before you (digitally speaking) proclaiming that it is true. Even though I have been a gamer since childhood I am not a violent, maladjusted psychopath or a complete slacker, but rather a successful, contributing member of society with a strong moral compass. More than anything else, I know my parents are the main reason I turned out as well as I did through their continual love and support, but I sincerely believe videogames helped to cement many of the lessons they taught me about how to act and treat other people. If I know of someone who could use my help with something, I feel compelled to do so. If I give less than 100% effort on a project, I feel guilty about it for days, even though that imperfect performance could still have been exemplary. If I have extra money left over from my paycheck (after bills and the requisite saving), I often donate it to charity or use it treat my friends. I CANNOT STOP BEING NICE, and I blame it on videogames.

My road to morality was cleverly disguised as simple entertainment: as a child I played many games where I assumed the role of a hero with the normal hero responsibilities, i.e. bringing peace to the land, rescuing the damsel, and generally being an all-around stand-up guy. These heroes exemplified the values I was being taught by my parents and the two forces worked in tandem to teach me important lessons about courage, integrity, and compassion. For instance, Final Fantasy 4 presents players with Cecil, a dark knight suffering from a guilty conscience after unknowingly killing innocents at the behest of his king. Despite the fact that what happened was not technically his fault, he still strives to make things right and, in doing so, overcomes his past crimes and becomes a paladin, a holy warrior. By the end of the game, I was left with a wonderful feeling of growth and learned about the power of people to overcome their past and help those around them.

Link from The Legend of Zelda series was another favorite hero of mine. Link is a silent hero; his thoughts are never revealed to the player nor does he speak with any of the other characters in the game. I have always loved playing these character; loquacious ones often spoil the immersive quality of a game through bad dialogue or silly speeches. Due to Link’s silence I easily found myself engrossed in the Zelda games I played, leading me to wonder why Link kept persevering through all the obstacles he felt. Eventually I came to the conclusion that Link knew that people were depending on him and the task before him was something only he could do. These feelings were instilled in me, and before I knew it I started to be more concerned about doing my part to help out others be someone whom others could depend on.

There you have it, the sad story of my descent into morality and kindness. At least I can be consoled by the fact that there was usually a reward associated with good deeds in gaming, so I can rationalize my good behavior by telling myself that I will eventually be rewarded for it. For example, in many games a character will be rewarded for his exemplary behavior with an item of considerable power, after all one tends not to entrust uncaring jerks with artifacts of arcane power capable of destroying enemies in a single blow. In the real world, however, I know that there are rarely such concrete rewards for doing good; more often than not the only thing a person stands to gain is the pleasant feeling that comes from helping another person. Over the years that has become enough for me to develop my own conscience, and a rather strong one at that.

Since I’m sounding like an after school special I’ll let the forces of sarcasm and bitterness in my psyche regroup before I attempt to write anymore.  Next time I’ll be writing about the possible negative impacts of videogames, because if they can influence people in positive ways I certainly believe there can be a downside. Until then maybe I should see about getting my own Dateline special as a "good gamer.â€? Then I could finally pitch my idea to Stone Phillips for a buddy comedy starring him and myself as conjoined, zombie-hunting desperados in post-apocalypse Soho.

It’s fun to dream.